Letter to my Papa who is 84 years old

Dear Papa Irving,

...If my 800 per month was supporting 2 people in 2006, then the 25% drop in the value of the dollar vs the peso that has taken place since then means that I am now supporting 3 people on 600 per month, in relative terms. Not only that but I had to stop selling discs because ...sold several in February but then my visa came through and the tank on the water pump sprung a leak and...Medical costs have been high lately.

"Tampoka's" savings account is actually our savings account which she tried to say was hers. I couldn't get my name on it when we opened it because I didn't have the resident alien card, that's what I'm waiting for now but had to do the visa process first. I took the bankbook away because she decided the money was hers just because my name wasn't on the account. Also she took 200 from it and lied to me saying she was buying herself a dumoy water tank business, to sell drinking water to neighbors. She said the money would be replenished back to the bank account first before anything else. It was all a big ploy to buy her brother a water tank, the tank is really his and she gets a commission which she spends in his store on snacks that I disapprove of her giving to DugDug all day. Meanwhile her brother uses the water I pump out of the ground and doesn't pay for it and hasn't spoken to me in three years.

I am now using her allowance to make larger payments on the credit card, and gave her back the bank account, which is now hers and is the equivalent of 9 months allowance. She thinks that she gets an allowance or salary no matter what and that it is a set amount. As far as I know, marriage doesn't work that way. Nobody gets money in their pocket till the bills are paid. "For richer or poorer," doesn't apply to her. Last night her pig had 9 babies. When she sells those pigs, the money will not go toward paying bills, none of it. She has acquired about 1000$ worth of furniture from selling pigs in the past few years while I and I alone have tried to get the bills paid. It's not a partnership. I am not allowed to bring it up. She hasn't sat down with a calculator and worked through the details of our budget. Before when I was putting 50 a month in the savings account, if something came up and I couldn't do it, she would throw a tantrum right in the bank lobby right next to two armed guards. Not pistols in holsters, big rifles in hand. The next stop was the meat and vegetable market right next to the church, but if she's angry then she refuses to do the shopping and the church yard is the scene of another tantrum. This happened just this month, we spent hours in the church yard with her threatening to give DugDug back to her brother Dandy, I can't remember what happened, this is all too commonplace. DugDug put his hands over his ears and went la-la-la, which is maybe what you should do. I tried to stop sharing all this garbage with you because I thought you would rather not know. I took her to lunch at her favorite fast food restaurant the other day and she cried in her noodles and asked if my girlfriend is pregnant. Well if girlfriends are anything like wives I am glad I don't have one, I sure can't afford one. I also can't afford to put my wife in a mental institution.

The private school for DugDug isn't necessary but if I say no to that, I might as well move to town before I get thrown out. Now she is training DugDug to tell me not to argue with his Mama because she is "sick". I can't speak anymore because she might have a heart attack? Well she's 46 and I thought I was going to die any minute when I was 46, maybe she's feeling her age and that has something to do with it. The worst thing she can do to a child is make him a part of her marital ploys to get what she wants. The accusations about having a girlfriend continue, she is depressed and feeling sorry for herself all the time. She has the freedom to do this because as soon as she leaves my presence and gets with someone she's related to, she is her normal happy-go-lucky self and besides that she has me to gossip about. Who am I supposed to talk to? Don't tell me to seek counseling. I am learning calculus, after that I will write another book. That is how I deal with not being able to change other people. I focus my energy on trying to change the world instead. Not likely to succeed but not much can stop me either. That's my "hobby". The intensity of it smooths out the other intensity.

Oh I just remembered why she refused to go into the palengke to buy the meat and vegetables for April. I said we were going to do it in two stages instead of buying a month's supply of vegetables at the first of April and having vegetables rot in the refrigerator. Also she pads her budget by saying she'll save some of it for later, and relies on my bad memory to forget that she is supposed to go back halfway through the month to buy more food. So I handed her 1000 pesoes or 1500 or something instead of the 2000 she expected, and said I was going with her to watch what she got and what it cost her. For that I spent the next three hours in the church yard trying to explain to her that her little boy was in emotional agony because she was sitting in one place refusing to speak or move. Only because it started to rain did she finally stand up and go home with me. The next day I was finished trying to control her skimming, I gave her the 2000 and she went shopping alone.

Don't know what you mean about political costs unless you mean helping her family, that's pretty much slowed down as people do talk and are aware that I am not keeping my head above water, she complains about me all the time. My resident card should be ready soon so after that I can get a bank account and a local atm card. In the past year or so the atm fee here on a foreign card like the card I use went from zero to 150 pesos, then to 200 pesos. That's five dollars every time I use the atm, plus 1% for my bank. So when I can change to an automatic deposit in a local bank, that will be like getting a nice raise. DugDug's school will be about 20 per month plus the cost of transportation. I have told Tampoka that daily trips to school in town will not include daily trips to the mall and for me it will not include daily trips to the email, I'll just bring a book to read and wait the three hours for him to get out. I guess we'll take turns going with him, because I am a "rich American" there is a risk of his being kidnapped so we have to be vigilant. Ironic, huh. Well a large proportion of people here are raising a large family on less than what I make.

My daily cost online for two trips per week is 2.50 for transportation, 4.00 for the internet use, 2.00 for food. Times two for two trips a week and add little toys for DugDug or an occasional movie ($1 each) for me, and it's about 80-100 a month for me to escape twice a week to correspond with my previous life and engage in my hobby. That's a big chunk but I can't imagine not leaving the house twice a week. I have no car payments, no car insurance, no gas to buy, no repairs. My dog eats only bones and garbage and is thrilled, his fleas are as healthy as he is. No vet costs, when he's gone another dog is standing in line to take his place. My life is nothing like it was in the US either when I was making it financially or like when I wasn't. I am "happy", that is, nothing needs to change. I'm not the first person in the world who ever lived in the prison of a bad marriage with not enough money to keep the little woman from being a continuous pest. Now she thinks she's going to die any day. DugDug is growing up in an imperfect environment, so what else is new.

Well that's a summary, I guess you wanted to know some of that stuff but maybe not. These are the things I think about all the time.

I really don't think there's anything you can do to make my life perfect, this is the human condition. But thanks anyway for your concern.